Our Sacred Acres - Home of the Office Mystic and other Misfits

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

What ARE you?!?!?

I have been noticing that I still bristle sharply at being labeled, even when I know I am exhibiting the traits of whatever that particular square hole is..   I’m round, I'm faceted, I'm multi-dimensional and I change my traits and behaviors like  I change my underpants.. At LEAST once a day.

I'm learning to control the quills and recognize then regulate my emotional responses, to own my actions, and to maintain my balance even when chaos is mooing like a kitten.  I'm learning to be myself, and not what anyone else thinks I am or what I look like on the outside.

I have a past, I live in the present, and I create my future.
I've been a super shy bookworm brainiac, avoiding human contact and especially conflict at all costs.
I've been the eldest daughter in a fine Christian family, and I've turned my back on organized religion.
I've come full circle back again to spirituality in a divine spiral of infinite love for all life and all paths.
I've also been a nightclubbing party goth girl, vinyl-clad queen of the underground.
I've been a peace-lovin' hippie freak tree-hugger and a paranoid anti-establishment prepper.
I've competed in a world class beauty pageant, doing well, and danced in a flash mob, not doing so well.
I've performed at seedy little dives for a handful of horny men and large fancy clubs for delighted mixed audiences.
I've been an addict, and have done most things twice just to be sure I did or didn't like them.
I've kicked old habits my way, by getting off the highway and rambling off down byways.
I've lived in the country, way off down winding dirt roads with acres of farmland in every direction.
I've lived in cities, on dark side streets that most wouldn't even drive down, and in posh penthouses opened by doormen.
I've been on welfare, accepting food stamps and government money while I breastfed my newborn daughter.
I've earned a 6 figure salary, traveling the world and leading teams that accomplished great things.
I've spent 50 hours and 1500 dollars having ink applied to my back that represents what I choose to embody.
I've asked an artist I did not know to freehand that work of art onto me, trusting he saw what I described.
I've loved deeply and passionately and know that I am still loved to this day by those who've known my love.
I've had wildly intimate and outrageous experiences with people I'd only just met and didn't know their names.
I've hurt people badly without understanding why it caused them such pain to hear my truth at that time.
I've owned so much stuff it's embarrassing, had designer gowns custom-fit for me, and bought a LOT of shoes.
I've given away nearly everything I've ever owned, several times over and sometimes all in one fell swoop.
I've followed through on things I really didn't want to do..  Because I said I would.
I've bailed on commitments I've made where people were relying on me, and for lousy reasons.
I've been a single mother, and I was once married to a wonderful man who is not my daughters father.
I've embraced the interconnected nature of mind, body and spirit, accepted the consequences of my stray thoughts, words and  deeds, and practiced expanding my awareness of the influence I have on.. everything.
I've bought my own homes, I've taken care of my own cars, I've raised a beautiful child, I've behaved like an over-protective grandmother, and I've feared I'm becoming the crazy cat lady.

I am what I was, I am what I am, I am what I will become, and you can call me Dani(B)elle.


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